Birthdays, Lists, and Dolphins.

Last year at this time, I was closing in on forty. It felt like a big deal. It felt…kinda crappy, actually. Forty’s one of those “milestone” birthdays that you think about when you’re younger and imagine the kind of person you’ll be. (Spoiler alert for you younger folks: you’ll be EXACTLY THE SAME PERSON, but hopefully with better fashion sense and a lowered tolerance for bullshit.)

What wasn’t helping me feel better about reaching this so-called milestone were the “things to have done by the time you’re 21/25/30/40” checklists and the ever-popular “bucket lists.” (God, I hate that phrase. I don’t like the word bucket for starters, and it seems either weirdly arrogant; like you have any say in when you’re going to die, or profoundly sad; like you’re a kid in the Make-A-Wish Foundation program.)

Anyway! A year has gone by since then, and it turned out that forty wasn’t such a big deal after all. I’m still awesome, and I’m still stumbling around with no idea what the hell I’m doing most of the time. Business as usual.

I'm really sorry you had to see this. Also, it's not true.

So I say we dispense with those other lifelong-to-do lists entirely. All they do is make you feel bad for whatever supposedly important/magical things you haven’t achieved yet:

• “Have a substantial nest egg.” Oh shit, I must be a terrible person to not have a pile of money at my age.
• “Swim with dolphins.” Um, okay, but I think I’d rather just leave them alone.
• “Have a one-night stand?” ONE!? Is this even a thing?
• “Ride a rollercoaster." Who gives a shit?
• “Buy a Birkin/Rolex/diamond ring/pair of Manolos.” Oh, go piss up a rope.

"God, get off me, bitch!"

Rather than chart what other people should do by the time they’re any age, I suggest you look at your birthday this year as an opportunity to look back over all the great and interesting things you’ve accomplished in your life so far. It’s infinitely more random and rewarding. One size does not fit all (especially when it comes to swimming with dolphins), so write down your own unique and amazing story.

Here’s mine. It only took a few minutes. I’m sure there are loads of wonderful things I forgot to include, but maybe I’ll remember them next year.

Things I’ve done by 41

• Forgot most of everything that seemed like a huge deal in high school

• Got married

• Had a kid who turned out just swell

• Got divorced

• Buried a parent

• Got married again

• Went on welfare

• Got off welfare

• Sowed my wild oats

• Ran a small business

• Ran that business into the ground

• Went back to shcool

• Figured out my “dream job”

• Figured out that my “dream job” is actually the hardest job of all

• Amassed an impressive collection of abdominal scars

• Still wear a bikini

• Learned how to cook some nice things

• Set a kitchen on fire

• Made some terrifically, jaw-droppingly ill-advised decisions

• Gave my heart away to people who didn’t deserve it

• Got it back again

• Felt the depths of depression and despair

• Went into therapy

• Caught a fish and ate it

• Wrote and published two books

• Watched a beloved friend give birth

• Discovered I know things that people want to learn

• Started sharing those things

• Lived half my life with a weird autoimmune disorder and never (okay, hardly ever) let it stop it from doing anything awesome

• Learned to appreciate scotch

• Learned to apply false eyelashes

• Spent two weeks in relative solitude and didn’t go crazy

• Got comfortable with the idea that I don’t know everything, won’t ever know everything, and that other people might not feel exactly the way I do about everything

• Laughed loudly and often

• Loved my friends and my family more than I could ever tell them

• Realized how much they love me back

• Began to realize I deserve it. 

So...what's on your list?

Happy 2012!

One of my goals this year is to be more regular with the blogging. I’ve grouped all my resolutions under the umbrella of “do more things that make you happy”, and since this is one of them, it shouldn’t be too difficult.
A lot of folks post “best of the year” lists, and I guess that’s sort of what this is, but I didn’t think on it too deeply, or rummage around in my makeup drawers to pick out favourites. Let’s just call it:

Stuff I Loved in 2011

Favourite celebrity makeup: Rachel McAdams at Cannes
I like edgy glamour as much as the next gal, but when it comes to unabashed pretty-in-pink gorgeousness, no one did it better than Ms. McAdams. This is a delightful, girlish look that I just adore.

Want the look? Glamour listed the products used.

Favourite makeup artist blog: Lisa Eldridge

Her video tutorials cover everything from the absolute basics to the fanciest high-fashion looks, in a grown-up and professional presentation. She’s just so approachable and warm—not to mention blessed with a beautiful face and a voice to match!

Favourite inspiring fashion blog for “normal” people: Wendy’s Lookbook
There are a shitload of websites by and for “fashion people.” But most of us aren’t that magic combination of rich/tall/skinny/connected/willing to dress like a rodeo clown. I love the coolness that’s on display, but there are many women who just want to look more stylish and pulled-together in an elegant way.

Wendy is the gal who provides that inspiration. Yes, she is most definitely investing some serious cash on her look, but she buys timeless, quality pieces. And there’s nothing you couldn’t copy for less. And she’s always finding great new ways to present information on the basics of fashion: her super-cute and useful 25 Ways to Wear a Scarf in 4.5 Minutes video made the facebook rounds a while back, and there’s plenty more where that came from.

Favourite fashion blog when one fears growing older: Advanced Style

Women of a “certain age” looking chic and fabulous. Proof positive that great personal style knows no age—in fact, these senior citizens pull off some wildly adventurous fashion risks that younger folks can only envy.

Favourite fashion film: Bill Cunningham New York
Speaking of older folks, this wonderful film (which I posted about earlier this year) is the story of that most elusive and reclusive of street style photographers, Bill Cunningham. It’s a fashion feast, for sure, but it’s also a film that explores aging, work, and integrity. I get misty just thinking about it—it’s a must-see!

Favourite fashion book of the year: Deluxe: How Luxury Lost its Luster by Dana Thomas
This isn’t a glossy coffee-table fashion book, but it is one of the best-researched and well-written books on the fashion industry I’ve had the pleasure of reading. It moves along at a thriller’s pace, and is packed with information on the luxury-goods world with an eye to history, culture, globalization, and consumerism. Whether you think a Louis Vuitton handbag is an object of desire or a symbol of corporate evil, you’re in for a compulsively good read.

Favourite rallying cry to take pride in one’s appearance in 2012: The “No Excuses” post over at The Bitches of Fashion
Just read it! You don’t have to wear a ball gown to the laundromat, but taking the time to dress well reaps benefits you can’t even imagine. It’s got nothing to do with your dress size/income/job/personal values and beliefs—every single one of us can take pride in who we are, and take pleasure in expressing that identity through our clothing and grooming.

So here’s to you looking fantastic in 2012!

You asked for it.

Welcome. So yeah, this is a blog about a bunch of things related to shopping, and fashion, and “beauty” (by which I mean the construction of standardized ideals of beauty through the application of makeup—woo-hoo!). I hope you enjoy reading it, even if you’re not the sort of person who gives a toss about any of this stuff—and I certainly welcome contrary opinions. What I hope to do here is illustrate that a person who enjoys these pursuits isn’t necessarily young, or stupid, or wealthy, or superficial, or a victim of the patriarchy. I don’t think I’m any of those things. Okay, well maybe a little bit superficial. They don’t call me Fancy Lady for nothin’.

In the meantime, your suggestions would go a long way to making this whole project more interesting. What do you want to read about? How to put on eyeliner that doesn’t look like you let a four-year-old do it? The very best stuff to buy at the drugstore? Product reviews? How to put together million-dollar outfits that cost $9.75? I am utterly at your service.

Fancy xo